I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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