Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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