So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
