It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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