why didn't you poke me back
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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