sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
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sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
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Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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