omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
