My brain says no but my pants say off.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
