onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
