omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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