1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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