My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
