He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
