Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
