That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
this beer tastes like vomit already
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
