My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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