The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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