she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize