Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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