I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
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I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
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And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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