I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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