No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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