pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
