Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
