I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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