It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
