quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
