i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
