he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
