3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I AM VODKA MAN
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
