its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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