I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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