just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
