see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
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It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
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I have feelings that need drinking.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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