I like to think it a success when the cops are called
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
