Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
