I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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