You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You were trust falling into bushes
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
