I think I won the penis lottery.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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