So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
