Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
