summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
