my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
