I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
