the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
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