I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
