Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
