I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
