My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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