u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
