Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He passed out mid-signature
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
