Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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