i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
