Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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