Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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