There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
