Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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